I get an incredibly overwhelming feeling standing in a crowded room. Just to think that every single person has a very unique story is mind-blowing. I could stand in that room and pick peoples brains for hours. I’m here to tell you my story, though, and I am conceding the fact that my story is no better than anyone else’s.   I have multiple goals in writing this. 1) Sort out my thoughts, for my own sake. 2) Give anyone that reads this a little food for thought. 3) And to display what’s really going on in my head without censorship or yielding to anyones judgements. So please leave the bravado at the door.

In a lot of ways, I’m kind of a mess. More than you’ll probably ever know. Not in a bad way, really. Just in the sense that I have a ton of cloudy thoughts that I have trouble sorting out in my head. My brain works entirely too fast for my mouth (or hands in this case) to keep up. I constantly find myself comparing my life to the dirty room that your mom and dad demanded you clean when you were younger. I remember those days quite vividly. I would stand at the door, looking at piles of clothes, trash, and toys lying in the floor. I spent hours standing at the door trying to figure out where to start. But I’ve gotten older, obviously, and have taken on more responsibility. Mom and Dad aren’t really there to force me to get things done. I have to take them upon myself…but that’s the hardest part. When push comes to shove, I get discouraged and give up on these thoughts. It is my truest downfall, and this is my attempt to overcome that.

Ahh.. so here we are. Another year gone by, not to mention an entire decade. I feel like since I didn’t quite keep up with my blog this year, it’ll be one of my 10-20 “New Years Resolutions” to keep up with it in 2010. We’ll see how that goes. I figure if I make a ton of resolutions, one or two of them has to end up working out! Regardless, I’m anxious-excited about 2010 and all that it holds. I have a feeling this is “the year.” I don’t know what, but something big is going to happen. Just me? Ok. I just wanted to do a quick recap of my growth in the past 365 days.

(This is where you stop reading, because my life isn’t terribly interesting.)

A year ago, I had just moved to Nacogdoches. I had no friends, no church home, no job, no joy. I was drowning and had no strength to keep treading water. I was miserable. My roommate and I didn’t get along, I disliked my major, I longed for the safety and comfort of home. I found a group of friends, even though I knew they were bad for me…I was desperate for company. That led me down a dark road that I never want to go back to. I was afraid of finding a church home on my own…I was so used to FBC Belton and I didn’t want anything to change. I knew that was ridiculous but I still didn’t go to church, Great Escape, or any other church activity because I was AFRAID. I did find a job…it was definitely a God thing…and I found another group of friends…and I knew they were bad for me, too. I never did anything that I look back on and regret (thank goodness!), but I know that I should not have been hanging out with those people. I depended solely upon myself for whatever I needed, even though I knew God was right there ready to help. I was sure that I could manage on my own…I couldn’t have been more wrong. After awhile, I lost focus on everything that was important. I finally got tired of being “on my own” and let Christ intervene. He put me back on my feet, gave me a proper focus, & set my heart on fire. I found a church home, started going to Great Escape, went to BSM events, joined a Christian sorority (Sigma Phi Lambda) and spent more time with Christ in a week than I did over a full semester. The fall semester was much better, although I still had some struggles. I finally reached a point in my roommate drama and started searching for a new roommate. I was beyond blessed to meet Brandi, a girl in my sorority that was searching for a roommate. I moved in less than two weeks later and I knew that the rest of the semester would be fantastic. Brandi became one of my best friends and she is one of the best roommates I’ve EVER had. At the end of the fall semester, I started feeling a weird uneasiness. I started praying about it and God revealed to me that I was not supposed to be an art major. I had been so set on my plans and my ways when I first moved to SFA and I didn’t stop to ask God what His plans were for my life. Throughout Christmas break, I kept feeling uneasy when I thought about school and I almost made myself sick by worrying so much. Four days before school started, I went to my art advisor and dropped all of my art classes that I had been planning to take this spring. I walked into the Child & Family Development office, signed up for classes, and as soon as I walked out of the office, I knew I done the right thing. This semester has been drastically different than any semester in college so far, but it has been one of the best. I am now a senior Child & Family Development major with a photography minor, I work at Raising Cane’s, Grace Bible Church, & Fredonia Elementary, I’m involved in numerous clubs and organizations on campus, I am a member of Sigma Phi Lambda (and will be running for an officer position in April), I go to Great Escape on a weekly basis (highlight of my week!), and I have amazing beyond amazing friends. I am so blessed and I have no regrets.

“Bette Davis Montage” by John Powell (P.S. I Love You Score)

 “I Gotta Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas  

“Awake” by Josh Groban

“Beloved” by Tenth Avenue North

“Lord of All” by Kristian Stanfill

“Burn Us Up” by Shane & Shane

“Fallin For You” by Colbie Caillat

“Beautiful Day” by U2

“Man In The Mirror” by Michael Jackson

“O How He Loves Us” by David Crowder Band

“Any Want You Want It” by Journey

“Vision of You” by Shane & Shane

“Beauty Will Rise” by Steven Curtis Chpaman

“Hold My Heart” by Tenth Avenue North

“Glory To God Forever” by Fee

“Beautiful Ending” by BarlowGirl

“Fireflies” by Owl City

“We Weren’t Born To Follow” by Bon Jovi

“Beautiful Bride” by Flyleaf

“Whatcha Say” by Jason Derulo

“Just Breathe” by Pearl Jam

“What Is This Feeling” by Idina Menzel & Kristin Chenoweth

“August’s Rhapsody in C Major” by Mark Mancina

“Son’s Gonna Rise” by Citizen Cope

Yes, it’s that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Provo , Utah would-be robber Jason Ellison did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped… Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.

5.. A teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer… $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a South Carolina convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”

9.. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on an Atlanta street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had.

it sets me back.

i don’t like when that happens.

i have my good days and my bad days…

my good weeks and my bad weeks…

this is seeming like a bad week.

yet God is faithful… even when I can’t feel Him all the time, I know He is there.   I TRUST that to be true!  I cling to that fact!!!

I crumble at Your kiss and grace
I’m a weakling in the dust
Teach me how to cling to You
With all my life and all my love

Father come to me, hold me up ’cause I can barely stand
My strength is gone and my breath is short, I can’t reach out my hands
But my heart is set on a pilgrimage to heaven’s own bright King
So in faltering or victory I will always sing

And on the road to beautiful
My seasons always change
But my life is spent on loving You
To know You in Your power and pain

You’re my portion in this life
You’re my strength now in my fight
And to You I pledge my heart
In the pain and in the dark I’ll love You
I’ll love You, I’ll love You

I’ll love You…

2. I love hugs. They absolutely make my day.

3. I’ve always wanted to sit on the beach and watch lightning hit sand…then go dig up the sand that the lightning hit. (and yes, I’ve wanted to do this even before seeing Sweet Home Alabama.)

4. I plan on living in Italy sometime before I die.

5. I am NOT a shy person. Many people believe that I am, but they don’t know me at all.

6. I love love love road trips…probably more than anybody should.

7. I enjoy cheesy pickup lines.

8. I’m probably one of the most random and spontaneous people you will ever meet.

9. I like the smell of Target.

10. I have bad luck…really. If you don’t believe me, ask me about my first day at SFA.

11. When I was little, I wanted to be an Olympic gymnast.

12. I am overly obsessed with itunes and music in general.

13. I write poetry, but I’m not confident enough to show it to anybody.

14. I love to ride 4 wheelers…and fish. I love to fish.

15. I’ve always been told that i’m a mystery and an unreadable book. I don’t know how I’m a mystery, but I really want to know what that means.

16. The smell of peanut butter makes me gag, as does the smell of ketchup and cardboard.

17. I never say the word “hi” unless something is wrong.

18. I would LOVE to be on Broadway.

19. I don’t like going to a unfamiliar place alone or walking into a place full of people alone.

20. I enjoy it when people ask me what’s on my mind.

21. I like fireplaces & cold weather & hot chocolate & a good movie.

22. I prefer hanging out with boys over girls…less drama and they tend to be funnier

23. I have a serious phobia of death and dying after watching a man burn to death when I was 4 years old.

24. I like man smells.

25. I want to work for Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.