Random.

Random Thoughts:

1. I am learning to be patient. It is very difficult. Patience is a virtue and I need to be more of a virtuous woman.

2. I have learned to laugh again. It feels great.

3. I can honestly say that I am joyful, despite things that are going on in my life.

4. I have learned that tears are not a sign of weakness. It IS okay to cry sometimes.

5. I am learning how to trust. This too is very difficult. But I’m getting better at it.

6. I have learned that I deserve much better than what I settle for.

7. I’m learning to open up more to people that I don’t know very well.

Tyler Perry.

I need a Madea date. 

…desperately.

Struggle.

Lately, I’ve been struggling with a couple of different things…mostly revolving around relationships that I do/do not have. I’ve been searching for friends that would lift me up, challenge me spiritually, and allow me to open up and be myself. There was also a relationship that I did not have with someone that frustrated me and confused me. I wanted to pursue this relationship, but I knew that it was not my job to pursue. I voiced these struggles tonight and after talking to a trusted friend of mine, my eyes were opened to several things that my head knew, but my heart did not. I came home after this talk and opened my devotional book. The title of today’s devotional was called “A Proper Focus.” It was based out of Proverbs 4:25 which says, “Keep your eyes focused on what is right and look straight ahead to what is good.” I won’t type out the whole devotional but the parts that really hit me were:

“What is your focus today? Are you willing to focus your thoughts and energies on God’s blessings and His will for your life or will you turn your thoughts to other things?”

“God created you in His own image, and He wants you to experience joy and abundance.”

“Trust your hopes instead of your fears. When you do, you will think optimistically about yourself and your world.”

The things that I have been focusing on, the things that have been consuming my thoughts and stealing my energy, are fears that I needed to let go of. I turned these fears over to God tonight. A huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders and I can finally be calm and relaxed once again.

 I am absolutely amazed at how God knows exactly what we need when we need it.

Feast.

This past weekend, I led a group of 7th grade girls for FBC Belton’s DN0w. When I first heard that I had seventh grade girls, I cringed because I remembered how my 7th grade DNow was so full of stupid drama and I wasn’t up to deal with that as a leader. But, I knew that God had a plan and a reason for putting me with this group of girls.

The theme was FEAST and we discussed three of the feasts in the Bible and how they related to us as followers of Christ. The very first small group that I had with my girls on Friday night showed me why I was put with this group of girls. They were all doubting that God was real. Is He really alive and working?? And if so, why does He let bad things happen to good people? I prayed over them before we went to our first large group time with the rest of the youth group. Casey Cease was our speaker and he spoke about The First Passover from Exodus 12 and how freedom requires some form of sacrifice. He spoke about sins that needed to be let go from our lives so that we could experience freedom. I knew that God was moving in the hearts of my girls just by the things that they said in our last small group time Friday night. In every small group time that we had throughout the weekend, my girls asked so many questions about Christ and how I could be so sure that He was real. I shared with them the doubts that I had had in junior high/first part of high school. I shared with them experiences that I had been through where God proved Himself to me. At our large group time on Saturday night, Casey spoke about the resurrection of Christ in 1 Corinthians 15. God showed up Saturday night and showed the girls that He was real and alive and working. The girls were BLOWN AWAY! It touched my heart to see students broken before Christ. There were grown men…leaders..host home couples who were in tears, on their knees, on their faces because they were broken. God laid it on my heart to pray for this high school boy who is very near and dear to my heart, and not only was I supposed to pray for him, but I was supposed to pray with him. I found him and told him that God had laid it on my heart to pray with him. As soon as I said that, he broke down & started crying. He said, “I’ve been asking God to send me someone who would care enough about me to actually pray with me. I’ve been struggling lately with feeling like nobody cares about me and now I know that someone really does care about me.” I was floored when he told me this and I know that something great is being done in this guy’s life. I am excited to see what God is going to do with this guy! When we got back to our host home, I had one-on-one time with each girl and every girl mentioned how overwhelmed they were that God had shown up and proved to them how real He was. I saw a HUGE transformation in every girl in my home between Friday night and Sunday morning. I am very excited to see what God is going to do with the youth group because I know that the students who were at DNow this weekend will never be the same. I know that I’ll never be the same.

Twenty-two.

22 Things That Most People Do Not Know About Me :

(1) No matter what people say, I always turn it into a song in my head.

(2) I’m convinced that there is a hidden camera in my speedometer.

(3) When I grow up, I would like to be a professional road-tripper.

(4) If I had to decide between a shopping spree at the mall or sitting on a dock fishing all day, I would choose fishing. Hands down.

(5) I wish my life were a musical.

(6) I always want to answer questions that people ask in a group setting but I never have the guts.

(7) I enjoyed kids until I got paid to enjoy them. (does that make sense?)

(8) I like to be wild & crazy & loud. And laugh A LOT.

(9) But I also like to be serious and have long, intense conversations.

(10) I can be such a jerk sometimes…without even meaning to.

(11) I have a heart for people who are hurting.

(12) Chick-Fil-A is the greatest thing on the whole darn planet.

(13) I can carry on a conversation in movie quotes. (I know, I’m a nerd…)

(14) I wish someone would randomly buy me a fun puzzle.

(15) Sometimes I want to go home…back to the pine trees, East Texas accents, and chicken house smell. (Yeah, sometimes I miss the chicken house smell…but only sometimes.)

(16) I think eye contact is very important, no matter who you’re talking to.

(17) I wake myself up laughing in the middle of the night.

(18) I am VERY detail-oriented. I remember the most unimportant details.

(19) I dance down the halls at work.

(20) It annoys me when I say something to somebody & they don’t respond…whether it’s in person, a text, face book, whatever. It drives me crazy.

(21) People who can make me laugh until I cry are very high up on my list.

(22) I like to give people random surprises. It makes my heart smile.

Christianity Taught by an Atheist.

Studying at Starbucks until Sunday.

Starting tomorrow at 5:30, I will be living at Starbucks (the one by Temple High) for the rest of the weekend…all night Friday, all day Saturday, and as much of Sunday as it takes. If it means that I have to miss 1st Sunday Lunch & even the freaking SuperBowl, I WILL get an A on all of my tests next week.

 I have a feeling that it is going to be a VERY. LONG. WEEKEND. 

Who knows? Maybe I’ll meet Taylor the Latte Boy….

                                                                                                     yeah…that was cheesy.